Trees of the World.

Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!

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Trees of the World!

The new magazine for tree enthusiasts everywhere!

Week by week you will learn about leaves, bark, roots, trunks, bowers, boles, bits of stick to stir paint with, where matches come from, why cats get stuck up them and many other fascinating arboreal facts from the mysterious world of trees.

You will learn why twigs are too small to use as decent weapons. How much damage a tree would do if it fell over unexpectedly and smashed a big hole in the roof while you were sleeping with your wife’s sister. How our ancestors used trees as primitive gallows (complete with 3D wall chart). Why you should never tie a yellow ribbon around an old oak tree. Why your dog likes to piss up them and why a usually friendly tree attacked Marc Bolan’s mini causing the fading gay pop star’s untimely death.

All this and more in Trees of the World!

How old they get, why they’re usually green and brown, except in winter when they’re just plain brown (apart from the ones that stay green and brown all year round for some reason) why birds choose to live, eat, raise their young and shit in them, how to cut one down and burn it, why trees have lots of rings when we only have one – this comprehensive collection covers all aspects of trees from the mighty John Wayne redwood to the weedy emo willow, from the tall elegant poplar to those other ones that are a bit more nondescript that look more or less the same as each other, it’s all in:

Trees of The World!

YES, for the very first time, this complete A to Z of trees is brought to life for you to own and treasure. In one fabulous collection, Trees of the World covers: Ash, Bonsai, Oak, Infant, Christmas, Dogwood, Elm, Family, Grape, Thingy, Lemon and Lime, Mug, Birch (and why Birch was favoured for beating thugs), Rubber, Maple, Conker, Cup, Elm, Yew, Shoe, Tea, Banana, Stinging Nettles – if it’s a tree it’s either covered in-depth or has been hacked down and turned into pulp to produce this mag.

If you love trees then Trees of the World will become your best bud! Don’t delay, leaf through a copy today!

Issue one (with free grow your own tree pitted olive and sachet of water) comes to you at the special introductory price of just 99p. Following issues build week by week into a beautifully illustrated library of tree info that will, after many months, eventually turn a book on trees that you could have bought from W H Smiths for £16.99 into a £300 scam of monumental proportions!

…That’s if you haven’t wised up, stopped buying them by issue four and left the binder to collect dust in that high cupboard, along with the yellowing recipe cards and the needlecraft mags that had seemed such a good idea when you were drunk and bored six Christmases ago and the TV advert caught you at a low ebb while you were trying to blank out your childish in laws arguing heatedly over a game of scrabble like they do every bloody year.

Trees of the World available now from all good branches!

You know your head’s made of wood – Trees of the World – buy it you plank!

*Issue two a bargain at just £7.99 including free ring binder worth nearly 37 pence!

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About tonyjayg

I'm a great bloke. That's all you need to know. ;)
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7 Responses to Trees of the World.

  1. Lawson Narse says:

    I got wood reading this :))

  2. GAVIN HAWKRIDGE says:

    the Larch

  3. GAVIN HAWKRIDGE says:

    awaiting moderation . Does that mean i cant say Fuck or such like . i dont mind as such but i do enjoy my anglo saxon expletives Cant fuckin beat the beat the cunts

  4. Gavin Hawkridge says:

    Lol.

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