Saucy Shakespeare.

Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!

Seriously, this is filthy, so don’t read on if it will make your eyes drop out and set you off complaining…

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The well known phrases below are all taken from William Shakespeare…

Laid on with a trowel. Not slept a wink. Neither a borrower nor a lender be. Method in his madness. More things in heaven and earth. Protests too much. Cruel to be kind. Eaten out of house and home. Once more into the breach. All Greek to me. Cold comfort. In a nutshell. The unkindest cut of all. More sinned against than sinning. What’s mine is yours. Love is blind. The world’s his oyster. As luck would have it. Sound as a bell. Wear your heart on your sleeve….

From the above and hundreds of others you could easily find for yourselves, we can see that even the most ignorant and uneducated philistine among us (that means you dog-breath), quotes from Shakespeare pretty much on a daily basis. This demonstrates how all pervasive Shakespeare still is and what an unparalleled influence his work has exerted over the English language and it’s usage. No other writer comes close.

However, when not engaged in the creation of an exquisitely written and entertaining play, or soul-stroking sonnet, I find even greater pleasure in the lesser known language Shakespeare himself used in everyday conversation. Consider the power of the following, if you will:

“I hath very poor and unhappy brains in the art of cup to lip, for this extra-strong imported Polish mead doth seem to have left me completely cunted, forsooth!”.

“Thou parboiled poltroon, hand me back my quill, or I will kick thee up thy portly arse squire.”

“Suck it harder oh scabrous witchy-woman and I will pay thee five ducats, for verily I shall not shoot my bardish bolt with thy present timid efforts. Five further ducats, my toothless vixen, if thou doth swalloweth”.

“May a thousand Egyptian plagues be visited upon the arsehole of the villainous fuck-brain whose negligent nature hath seen my inkwell knocked over, thus drying it out like an evaporated desert pool. The devious miscreant hath also desecrated two large rolls of high quality parchment and must be brought to book, for surely such A4 vellum doth not groweth on trees. (I am fully aware that it doth actually groweth on trees, thank thee, oh ye most irritating of hair-splitters)”.

“Oi! Francis Bacon, abuser of thine own manhood! Pray tell, doth thou wanteth some or what? Come and hath a go if thou thinketh thy steel to be of sufficient temper.”

“Well, young fellow, what gay apparel thou dost wear for sport. Come lad, loosen these thine yellow pantaloons and my goodly self will prize apart thine porcelain buttocks. Uncle Willy doth hath a throbbing veiny stiffy and an huge helmet of royal purple with which to roger thy ring raw. As before, thou wilt be rewarded with tasty sweetmeats which I hath here in my carriage glove box, but only after I hath thrice dribbled my man-fat up thine youthful rectum and immortalised thee in a sonnet.”

Don’t be surprised by the latter quote. Being not only a magnificent wordsmith, but also a thespian of some repute, Shakespeare was equally at home fornicating the living daylights out of both girls and boys alike. He was a true bi-bard, according to many latter day intellectual bum-bandits and often took inspiration from a bit of teenage cock action. Behind his back, he was probably known as Speareshake. But I made that last bit up, unlike the rest which is completely historically accurate.

Tee hee.

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About tonyjayg

I'm a great bloke. That's all you need to know. ;)
This entry was posted in Funny-Peculiar. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Saucy Shakespeare.

  1. Jean says:

    Well now….there are some things I didn’t know about Shakespeare…LOL!

  2. Julie brown says:

    laughing my witchy t*ts off

  3. Gary Hall says:

    Shakespeare and the King James Bible – the English language complete

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