Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!
Two gunslingers were arguing about which of them was the best shot. The first claimed he could put a bullet between a man’s eyes at a hundred paces.
“At a hundred paces,” the second shootist drawled. “I can shoot off one of a guy’s nuts without damaging t’other.”
The first gunman didn’t believe this feat was possible and challenged the second to a three dollar bet to prove it. Bargain set, they went and kidnapped a local storekeeper named Marmaduke, in the process slitting the throats of his wife and six children to stop them raising the alarm, stripped him naked (or nekid as they called it) and lashed him spreadeagled between two trees so his ball bag hung down as a tempting target.
The gunslinger who had made the boast backed off the specified hundred paces, pulled his six-gun from its holster and drew a careful bead. Just as he squeezed the trigger and the hammer began to fall, however, a stray gust of wind blew some grit into his eyes and he missed the whimpering retailer’s scrotum by several inches, thus losing his three dollar bet.
Unfortunately for the hapless storekeep, the shot went high, entered his rectum, hit his pelvis and ricocheted up through his body, damaging various organs along the way, before finally coming to rest in his mouth where it burned a hole in his tongue.
Marmaduke was never too well after that.
Moral of the story? Don’t gamble. It’s naughty.