Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!
I went out to buy a present for my small nephew, Timmy, the other day. Just turned six he has and his daddy took him ice skating for the first time as a birthday treat. Pity about the fat bloke skating over his hand and severing three of his ickle fingers, but accidents will happen.
Anyway, The Devonshire village I spent seven and a half hours travelling to by train, bus and taxi, only had one toy shop. Tiny little place called “ToyIsMe”. I would have gone to Hamleys if I’d known. I only live around the corner.
ToyIsMe didn’t have much of a selection. In fact, the only thing the old proprietor could show me in his musty shop was a green and purple Gonk, which no one under the age of about thirty-eight has ever heard of.
Gonks were made of brightly coloured nylon fur, stuck around a toilet roll tube, with felt faces and feet glued on. Looked a bit like weird alien owls. Very big in the 1970s they were. Me and my mates used to win them at funfairs. Or steal them from Woolworth’s.
Timmy didn’t like it. Said it gave him nightmares.
Ungrateful little bastard can go whistle come Christmas, missing fingers or no missing fingers.