Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!
I told this bloke down at my local pub a joke about a prostitute and a donkey, but he didn’t laugh, so I slashed his carotid artery with a broken pint pot and he died in about half a minute from loss of blood and I got barred.
I just told him a different gag about a bird who screwed an entire rugby team, the six reserves, plus the linesman, the referee and four blokes out of the crowd. When I finished, the bloke stuck an axe in the top of my head and I had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Turns out the girl in question was his daughter.
He actually didn’t know the woman from Adam and bought me a pint of scrumpy and I got horribly drunk, lost two games of darts, threw a temper tantrum and maliciously burned the pub down with all the customers still inside.
I actually left and staggered to the kebab shop and got in a fight with another drunk bloke who had chilli sauce all down his shirt and he gave me a black eye and I kicked him in the bollocks and then I was sick in the gutter. And that’s true!