Did You Hear the One About…

Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!

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I told this bloke down at my local pub a joke about a prostitute and a donkey, but he didn’t laugh, so I slashed his carotid artery with a broken pint pot and he died in about half a minute from loss of blood and I got barred.

Not really.

I just told him a different gag about a bird who screwed an entire rugby team, the six reserves, plus the linesman, the referee and four blokes out of the crowd. When I finished, the bloke stuck an axe in the top of my head and I had to be rushed to hospital in an ambulance. Turns out the girl in question was his daughter.

Not really.

He actually didn’t know the woman from Adam and bought me a pint of scrumpy and I got horribly drunk, lost two games of darts, threw a temper tantrum and maliciously burned the pub down with all the customers still inside.

Not really.

I actually left and staggered to the kebab shop and got in a fight with another drunk bloke who had chilli sauce all down his shirt and he gave me a black eye and I kicked him in the bollocks and then I was sick in the gutter. And that’s true!

Not really.

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About tonyjayg

I'm a great bloke. That's all you need to know. ;)
This entry was posted in Funny-Peculiar. Bookmark the permalink.

5 Responses to Did You Hear the One About…

  1. Rich says:

    Such a fertile mind Tony. And what makes something fertile? That’s right sperm or Shit. Which is it then? :-D))

  2. tonyjayg says:

    A little of this, a little of that, and quite a bit of the other. 😉

  3. Me says:

    Um, I am thinking … you did you go out last night and … well. Then you write this. I am sure one of them is true! x

  4. Jean says:

    Shock! Horror! Not really…lol….xxx

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