King of the Beasts

Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!

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The animal kingdom, eh? From Giraffes to stick Insects, fabulous, but which beast among the multitudes is undisputed king of that kingdom? Why, yes, the mighty Lion! The noble Lion, his great golden mane taking the place of a ruler’s crown, picking him out as royalty among all the lesser creatures. The lithe and powerful Lion, surveying his domain and humble subjects with the eyes of a potentate, an all-conquering warrior, regal and fearsome, deciding which of his subjects to eat first.

If you don’t believe the Lion is indeed king of the beasts, next time you and your wife and kiddies visit their enclosure at the zoo, I invite you to snatch a gander at the enormous orbs and sceptres hanging between their legs. After that, your missus will probably piss her knickers laughing whenever she catches a glimpse of your poor excuse for a pork sword. I tell you friends, I wouldn’t want Leo’s hairy weapon jammed up my rectum without first applying a good smear of axle grease.

Mind you, if you stuck the biggest, meanest Lion at the zoo into the Tiger’s enclosure, I still reckon the magnificent Bengal would fucking have him. A grizzly, a half-grown Polar bear, or even a poxy little Kodiak would likely rip his ratty mane off, along with his outsized head. Wanker.

Fine fucking monarch he turned out to be and after all that boasting too. Good job similar inbreeding never affected our beloved royal family, or they’d all be chinless, with big ears and a bit weird-looking. Apparently. Und das ist ein fact.

Cause it incontinence pants is. Don’t talk gibbering hunchbacks chained to dank walls in secret hidden towers, howling like some strange half-ape and dreadfully frightened of nursey and her rough cold hands.

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About tonyjayg

I'm a great bloke. That's all you need to know. ;)
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One Response to King of the Beasts

  1. Cuntface says:

    Give the fucker a Geordie, fuck your Bengal then. especially if it’s a Mackem Bengal.

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