Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!
I was trying to get to sleep the other night, when I found that I needed to blow my nose. I knew a tissue was on the floor close by my bed, so I sat up a couple of inches, swung my arm down and picked it up. I did all that without turning my head, or opening my eyes – while also managing to avoid knocking over the glass of water that sat right beside it – and I thought to myself, what an amazing bit of kit the human brain is.
Imagine trying to programme a computer to carry out that same task. In a split second, in complete darkness, to locate something from memory alone and go straight to it without any fumbling, without needing several attempts and having the thing in hand and ready to use, all because the correct coordinates were there in my head, despite having taken no pains whatever to fix them there. What an astounding capability!
Mind you, then I thought, supposing someone had sneaked into my room in the middle of the night and set up a bear trap beside my bed. Wouldn’t have been such a bright spark then, would I? Wouldn’t have been patting myself on the back then. Hardly, considering the trap’s wickedly sharp teeth would have severed my entire hand!
Might have even died from shock and blood loss. A sodding scrap of tissue wouldn’t have been a lot of use to me in that situation and a runny nose would have been the last thing on my mind. I expect. Would have made me late for work as well, if I wasn’t unemployed.
I wonder what sneaky bastard put the trap there in the first place. Lot of psychos about nowadays. Very worrying.
I blame the parents.