Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!
According to Greek legend, the Minotaur had the body of a man and the head of a bull. Can you imagine that? Bet the ugly bleeder never pulled at the Acropolis disco 70’s night. Poor sod probably would have settled for Tiger Feet, or even joining Gary Glitter’s gang, if only he could have got shot of his hideously hairy bonce.
Must have been a depressing galley ride home all the way from Athens to his pungent, dung-littered bachelor labyrinth. Lonely bull-face couldn’t even stop off for a comforting kebab in case the swarthy geezer behind the counter sliced off his face with one of those long, wavy knives and stuck it in a lightly toasted pita bread with chilli sauce and a mixed salad.
Not having an equally monstrous girlfriend, I dare say the horny bastard filled most of his empty evenings jerking himself into a snorting frenzy while leafing through back issues of Farmer’s Weekly and sniffing offal.
On the other hand, the many-headed Hydra, who could hold a conversation, french kiss, eat supper, sing love songs, keep a look out for jealous boyfriends and husbands and perform oral sex all at the same time, never went home alone. And that was despite wearing the wrong kind of flairs and too much cheap bling.
Some monsters have all the luck.
Not Anne Widdicome, though, obviously.