Starship Love

Warning, OUTRAGEOUS is a series of filth, swearing, insanity and gross images. The easily offended (and not so easily) and anyone under about 35 should stop reading right now!




I was on the Starship Voyager the other night – beamed aboard from my home world of Skintgit to entertain the Captain and crew – when I found myself alone with 7 of 9.

“You are one horny Borg drone,” I told her, admiring her impressive curves and sprayed-on uniform, somehow the metal thing sticking out of her face failing to distract me.

“Irrelevant,” she replied, coolly.

Emboldened, I unzipped my spacesuit. “What do you think of this for a photon torpedo?” I asked, with a smirk.

The metal of her eyebrow lifted. “Yes,” she said, “I admit that is a little more relevant.”

“So,” I said. “How about me plugging it into your collective?”

“I am Borg,” she replied. “We drones prefer a bit of back-door regeneration.”

“Maybe you are,” I told her, “but I am human and have no wish to be assimilated into your alien dirt-box.”

“Why? she frowned. “What have you got against hives?”

“Bad experience concerning honey, angry bees and smoke that wore off quicker than I expected,” I said. “Don’t ask.”

“I see.” 7 nodded. “Then perhaps you would prefer a BJ?”

“Blow job?”

“Borg job.”

“And what’s a Borg job, exactly?” I asked. “Nothing to do with your android starfish, I hope?”

“Sex like an earthly dog with the entire collective watching.”

“Now you’re talking.” I replied. “Shields down 7! Phaser to vibrate, prepare for borders!”

…Then I woke up.

It’s always when you get to the good bits, isn’t it.

And there was no milk in the fridge.



About tonyjayg

I'm a great bloke. That's all you need to know. ;)
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