Lettuces and Royalty

I’ve started growing lettuces, spring onions and various herbs on my tiny balcony like I used to years ago. (Thanks for the free seeds Dave). When I say tiny, I’m talking four window boxes and a couple of pots tiny. In the past, I did it because it gave me pleasure, now I’m doing it because I can’t afford that stuff and as I’m expecting a major crash any day, free stuff will be a good way of avoiding starvation and possibly scurvy. You may laugh…

I planted my seeds about a month ago and visited them ten days later – to likely kill most of them with fluoride poisoned water from the tap – and was pleased to see four lettuces, two basil plants and a few spring onions were starting to sprout. All the other greenery, in much more profusion, were weeds and clover and I ripped them out without mercy. Luckily, weeding window boxes doesn’t give you backache or sore knees, but they are still my enemy. The weeds, I mean, not the sore knees. Though I’m not fond of sore knees, either. Or carpet burn.

I went out there again today and most of the stuff is yet to come up still and as the earth was looking a little dry, I spent several minutes ferrying bottles of water from my kitchen to my balcony to moisten them all up. Well, I went out to the shop just after and there were definitely signs that it might rain. Typical, I thought, I break my back for almost ten minutes watering my window boxes and now theres’s a vague chance it might rain. Just my luck.

Then I put on the tv and it turns out prince muslim Charles has made a documentary about his mum, the masonic witch queen and wife of the nazi Phillip, that will be on at eight o’clock. Not that I care, particularly, but that’s put Eastenders back by an hour to fit it in and that’s bang out of order. I usually eat my one meal a day watching Eastenders and now I’ve got to go hungry for an extra hour, it will throw off my body clock. Life is just full of disappointments.

At least my lettuces won’t be as inbred and evil as the royals, though I do talk to them as Charles suggested. I whisper “Charles is a complete prick, isn’t he?” and the lettuces all nod and say “Prick doesn’t even begin to describe him, the islamic plant. Do you know he will only talk to plants if they’re Halal?” “I didn’t know that”, I replied in a hushed tone. “Is he…?” But before I could complete my question the men in white coats arrived.



About tonyjayg

I'm a great bloke. That's all you need to know. ;)
This entry was posted in Funny-Peculiar, Life, Rants. Bookmark the permalink.

2 Responses to Lettuces and Royalty

  1. Dioclese says:

    Thing about Charles is that he is, and always will be, a complete and utter embarassment. I nearly threw up at his attempts to be all chummy and normal and ‘man of the people’ as he partonised us all with his tribute to his mother. I hope to god she outlives him and we don’t end up with a total cunt for a king…

  2. tonyjayg says:

    It’s safe to assume you don’t like him all that much, eh, Di? I agree with you. Anyway, I’m a citizen, not a subject. They aren’t my royal family and we should get rid of the lot of them. They’re all matey with tyranical regimes like the saudis and quataris and not one of them could give a stuff about the “common” people.

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